The Void | Demons

If I had been to university (in psychology, probably), “the void” would have been my master’s thesis.

having done only 4 years of high school, I gave up on the idea of a degree.

Instead, I turned the void into my muse.

Without really meaning to, it became my main subject…

I guess we could say it comes to the same thing.

At its core, that’s what drives my art. A fairly clear artistic direction.

It’s a strange feeling that’s followed me my whole life. I could also use the word demons to describe it. It’s something that’s hard to explain with words. I’ve been translating it into images for a long time, but lately I’ve felt this need to describe it more precisely: first, to help me understand myself better, but also in the hope that it might reach someone who feels alone and lost in it.

It feels like emptiness. Nothing stressful. It’s just gray, dull, and it always shows up suddenly.

It catches you off guard, and you get stuck in this zone that paralyzes you. The only thing you usually want is to fall asleep and wake up once the storm has passed,

no matter how long it takes.

There’s no question of ending it all. Just taking a break.. long or short.. as long as the storm passes. I know it might sound negative, but it’s not.

It’s neutral. There’s nothing there. It’s just… empty.

Thankfully, it always passes. Usually pretty quickly. And the more time you spend in the void, the easier it becomes to handle. You start to tame it. When it comes back, you expect it a little more each time.

I almost want to say it becomes comfortable. Like old, worn-out slippers you stubbornly refuse to throw away.

I’m even learning to use it as a creative engine,

even if it’s not perfect and probably never will be.

My demons, I’ve stopped trying to get rid of them. I finally understood it was a battle lost from the start. Instead, I chose to use them, to learn them, to tame them.

Before, they tripped me up, paralyzed me.

On one hand, they allowed me to create but with no control, and only when they decided.

Now, I can use them when I need to. They’re still there, just as present as before, but they’re calm, sitting quietly in their little cage.

I take care of them, because without them, everything I create would be empty.